Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

standing in the way of control


on a rare, dark moon,
you feel cold shoulders everywhere,
and shiver, scared, cornered,
like you were kicked in the teeth.

it’s like a world, too busy
staring at its own belly button,
ran over you.

used and discarded,
you – always so loyal,
a righteous knight, the protector –
feel like, in the exodus, were left behind.

you tether dangerously
on the edge of despair.
you think
you ought to give up,
before its too late,
you must run and hide.

but its a conundrum, really:
how will you fix your loneliness,
your crave for attention,
by isolating yourself even more?

so you stand frozen on the spot,
spiraling out of control,
socially anxious,

a mess inside your head!
you can only conclude:
loneliness is a lot worse
for those who always always smile.


i wonder when this will go away


you don’t know
how it goes
on the other side.
how your smiles
are ropes
that tie tight
around my heart:

when you talk,
the strings tauten
compressing, and clenching
until my breath leaves me.

sweet, delicious
in my chest.

and, when you speak
I am reminded
of past scenes
between you and me
(and the phantoms of the kisses
we traded in a time far, far away).

in a mix of memory and dream
I am once again
pulled in.

these memories are
like a tide
that carry my body
into the water.

how did the kissing feel to you?

to me, it felt wet
and warm
and everywhere:
like drowning in the sea
while it rains.



slowly, let that loneliness engulf

let it eat you up.

hard to let it go


We live our lives, day by day, dealing with wins and losses, both small and big. We try to have fun, be with our dear friends, loved ones and spend our money not only paying the bills, but eating, drinking, fucking and generally being alive. We walk to our offices, to museums, buses and our cars: we move and we go, out and about, making choices, right and wrong, according to our beliefs, trying to perfect and excel in the paths we deem better. We try to be proud, too. We fail, but make up, dust it off and just walk on. Keep walking. So we go on, living the best we can, focused on our own happiness, love, contentment. However, we constantly do this on our own, inside our minds and privacy, cherishing all that is ours and only ours, putting some very special people hidden in the shadows of our personal spotlights. We don’t forget them, see, nor seize to care about them… it’s just that they don’t often cross our minds. Those people tend to get little of our attention and not a lot of importance, for they are somewhat ill-fitting in our places, our well regarded little life-places, our time, our careers, and also because what they have to offer is, seemingly, not compatible, just not quite enough for the current state of our lives lives. It is more than surpsingly often that we walk forward and leave so many of those people behind, lost somewhere between our chores and other pieces of our puzzles, even though they are important and love you. And it is only when shit goes down, when breaths hang by a thread that we see that we did bad, that we drank and ate and were merry but all at the cost of forgetfulness and selfishness. It’s on these moments that memories and regrets come rushing out, words and pleas spilling out of minds and mouths, begs and prayers. We reach out to the gods and people, cling to the tiniest of hopes, bringing up those forgotten good memories, that springing forward like a good dream. And it is only between the hospital’s white walls and, later, in between tears shed in warm, uncomfortable beds that we, ashamed and guilty, notice how everything is so very, very frail, and how much we forget that all things, one day, have to go.

And how much we fail, daily, to notice all that is wrong.