solemn capricorn moon

i have been disconnected from my writing,
disconnected from my beauties-
sometimes,
from my own
earthly body as well.

but not as in a transcending,
celestial way
just… dissociating.

i haven’t been speaking
my tongue,
the secret language of my heart,
of the world of my mind,
that is reserved for what I rather show
others than tell.

i have been
avoiding my art,
and speaking my pieces,
fearing something
that i have yet to discover what it is.

i have been angry, that’s true.
i have been
devoted to a discontent
that seems to fuel me,
but also consume
all my energy.

i haven’t been able to understand
the world
and sincerely haven’t been interested in doing
so, or so
it seems.

i have, unbeknownst to me,
been stunned by clear glass windows,
made for show
(never feel)
and the shiny, rapid things
that are dangled in front of me.

i have been a fool.

i have been donating
my time and attention
to things that don’t belong to me,
that don’t fit me,
i have been lost, wasting time
chasing ethers that are not to be mine;

during this process
of descending into objects
instead of feelings
(or empathy really
or people),
I have been going further
and further down
a loathing pit
encased in flaring mirrors:

so far away
i have been
from my stars.

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