#9

“lost horizons”

loving you
has made me selfish.
I want to possess you,
nothing more, nothing less.

having you was supposed
to have absolved me…
cleansed me from my sins:

it was supposed to have healed me,
stripped me of this jealousy.

but it seems it didn’t work.
you were not my hero.

are there no heroes here?
is that it?

yes! so no sense in waiting.
there are none,
no matter how much I wish for one.

there is only tragedy,
the putrid smell of the heavy sludge
that is this black, festering blood
from the wounds we have inflicted
on one another…

and I don’t want you now-
not anymore-
because I don’t trust
myself around you
and I
don’t want to give in once more;
I never want to feel
like this again.

(this heavy weight
in my heart,
this anguish
that consumes my soul,
this disappointment
that crushes me,
sets me aflame…

please, no more.
not again.)

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