#5

“love can be brutal if we try hard enough”

know that I’d give you anything you want or need, for money doesn’t mean a thing in the face of what I feel for you; I’d wash your hair and bathe your body, handle it with care; I’d cover it in tiny flecks of gold, making a shiny mosaic (piece by piece) on the velvet planes of your skin, if it translated my adoration for you, how I worship and cherish you (how I envy the things your hands delicately touch, wish to be that ethereal breath of air that you softly exhale).

know that, if it made you beam with fulfillment and happiness, and shine brighter than the sun (it surely would pale in comparison, believe me), I’d carry you on my shoulders up and down the aisles, left and right the islands, the alleys, the roads; I ain’t no giant, but tall I’d make you stand, and proud, for the whole of eternity that my legs can stand to carry you without giving out, so that your feet would never have to once again touch the ground, so you would not break a sweat unless you wished to do so.

know that I’d take you anywhere you wanted to go for your pleasure and delight only, no matter the time, the country, the will or the weather. it would please me to no ends to accompany anywhere you wanted to be for any reason. I wouldn’t care where, really, as long as I got to stand by your side and entwine our fingers together, lay my head on your pillow in any hotel room and steal bites from your plate here and there, in that goofy way that I know that you enjoy…

[for I no longer can see myself without you, for I no longer can have my heart beat if not by jolted to life by the thunder of the smile I like to assume was made only for me]

*********
(20 days later)

[I just wish you wanted me as well, in any form, even as a good friend]

[but I cannot let myself be taken by your smile once again, be a prisoner of it, for it’s in its 10.000 megawatts that you fool me, that you deceive me – it’s in the sweetness of it that I get lost and confused;

and I need to learn that you do not want me. not really.
that none of this is true.]

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