do you think I’d call just to hear you breathe?

I like to believe that
nothing ever happened between us.
I chalk it off
as a really bad dream.

but then it comes.

it comes back to me.
it comes in dreams,
in flashes,
as I stand in line at the bank,
as I sit alone in front of my computer,
as I read a meaningful quote.
it comes back in images behind my eyelids
and floods me,
makes my toes curl
with momentary pleasures and happiness,

a fleeting, passing chill of joy,

only to, moments later, make my mouth cringe
with the sour taste
of regret
and shame (really!),

anguish, disappointment,

and an unstoppable,
bashful shame.

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