is being said “no”
worst than being said “yes” then, later, being left behind?
is “almost” more painful
than “goodbye”?

I don’t think so.

it’s just that now the pain is fresh,
the blood curls
& it flows out of the wound.

and it fucking stings.

I think it feels worse because the memory
of my past has being weakened,
time has softened
the horrible memory
of the bullet
that is lodged between my ribs,
dangerously close to my heart.

I don’t like to compare pains,
for it’s never healthy,
but yours is still second place in this whole mess, darling.
(congrats on the award, though.)

you came close to having it
-the prized heart in your fist-
the laurels of victory!
an arrogant crown for your pretty head!
however, I guess it’s hard to break a heart
when such heart
is no longer there.

it’s still easy to break a spine,

also, it’s pretty easy to crush a spirit,
for it is a young, naive thing that,
like a liver,
seems to grow anew at every laughter
and every joy.

and I’m sure it will blossom again.
it does, every time – first, dead as autumn’s leaves
then green at springtime.

shit is having to,
in the meantime,
wake up with an aching head
and go to sleep with the shrapnel
and these memories of mine.


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