come look for me if you want it. come look for it if you want me.

it was late into the night when I decided to lay down to sleep, the skin feeling feverish from summer and clammy with sweat from undisclosed desires. I tossed and turned, the heat moistening the sheets and my limbs, my hair stuck to the back of the neck like a whore’s after a long night of work. but in the breeze of the morning I slept…

I dreamt of your freckles marking your milky white and smooth skin; dots, like little islands of black against white, like a constellation right there on the sky of your chest, my own personal constellation to stare at. I dreamt of looking closer at it, the tips of my nose scratching against your collarbones. and I dreamt that I was running my fingers by the dots, connecting them, as well as softly tickling (and your chuckles were adorable, my ear pressed against your pulsing neck, feeling the soft rumbles of your throat); I was mapping every spot with my fingers, naming, marking them – possessing it (I wish I was doing it with my tongue).

and then I dreamt that scenarios changed, like in a movie, we had fade-in and fade-out: it was now an open, wide shot. we were at a party like in those old days, a party from when we were young and bothered, a house party at a friend’s. a small rented place that smelled like old cigarettes and sex, with empty bottles lined up against the kitchen windows. and I dream that I was sitting on the sofa, and that you stood against the far wall behind me – arms crossed against your chest, a pout of disagreement and drunkenness and boredom.

so I dream that you got jealous that I was talking to someone else, so you walked some seriously long steps and slipped behind me, on the couch. I could only feel the pillows giving in to your light weight, and you sitting like a feisty, majestic kitty. and I remember dreaming of you silently setting down and snaking your arms around my chest, lacing your hands at the front, possessively, crushing, tightly holding my body fully flush against yours. at first you rested your chin against my shoulder, your breath warm against my cheek, the long lashes brushing my face like feathers.

then I dreamt that you moved your mouth closer, your breath warmer, sweeter, making the hairs in the nape of my neck stick up. and then you bit my earlobe slightly, moaning softly, in order to catch my attention and disengage me from my conversation. and your saliva felt heavenly, cooling my skin, wetting, your tongue so soft and insistent against my pores. and I don’t remember dreaming it, but I believe I imagined the look on your face, the look you would be giving from behind my shoulder to my conversational partner because I dreamt that he, embarrassed, excused himself and left without further notice.

I dreamt that I felt you smile a little victory smile against the skin of my shoulder, only then to bite it, soft but hard, lovingly, erotically, almost drawing blood. and you liked that, you liked that you could hurt me and kill me whenever you wanted, so you continued nipping at my skin. you would bite everywhere your mouth could reach because you wanted to mark me, take me so I could be yours, only yours and no one else’s. yours only. you enjoyed possessing, claiming, your jealousy strong, but never deranged.

and then I dreamt that you made your way around me, brushing your full body against my back and ended up sitting on my lap, legs lacing me, holding your place, holding tight. your heat was against my heat, in a position so heavenly I could die without regrets. and I remember I dreamt that my hands went to your ass, cupping and rubbing just a little, pulling closer; breastbone against breastbone – yours so skinny – so perfect, needing contact, needing the friction, the heat pooling down and down and down.

so I dreamt that you rocked your hips against my hips and rubbed my skin gently with your own skin, pulling at my hair, hard, searching for a kiss, almost an act of public indecency. and that you thrust you tongue inside my mouth, inspecting it, then removed it to bit my lower lip – you liked that, biting, mouth against mouth, lip between teeth, red blood, the taste of body and iron and warmth – and god, oh god, it was sensual and full of vengeance, a punishment for talking to other people, for flirting a little bit – a vengeance I would gladly take a repeat of any other day.

I dreamt you marked my mouth with your mouth, my lips swollen. and the legs you wrapped around my waist, those sweet, long legs of yours, were in a grip that felt like never letting go. and I remember that I dreamt that I ran my fingers softly against your cheek, gently, both hands framing your face for a perfect, slow kiss that wasn’t supposed to be really sweet, but that was to try and drench the fire that was pooling down and down and down, the heat that was consuming, to try and tame the explosion of need that was building with an unbearable tension.

the dream went on, I dreamt I was sweating, and all you did was evade that kiss; you wanted the flame, so you fed it, threw me to the fire by sucking at that place right below my ear, the one that drives me insane. you wanted me insane, you wanted to see me writhe underneath your hands – and god, did I writhe, every time. was I willing to writhe. it was a game, and I wanted to retaliate, so I sniffed and blew air at your skin, feeling your nipples hardening against my own hard nipples, so hard that they could be felt and seen even underneath all these cotton barriers. and I dreamt that it was so so so hot, the sweat going down, traveling in large fat drops down my spine, causing goosebumps all over both our skins.

suddenly, I dreamt that your hands found way underneath my shirt, and that circuits were short-bursting in my brain. and the harshness of the tongue against the scratchiness of the beard, like a cat’s tongue, the look in your eyes like the one of a wild feline. I dreamt that your eyes told me that you wished to devour me and I wished to be dined. I wished to be defied in my wined state of mind. your desire violated my desire, your tongue invaded my mouth. conquered. subjugating… my master. and me? more than happy to surrender.

then you kissed me fully on the mouth, far away from gentle, a brutal kiss, driven by force, by all those things that are raw in your insides. teeth scraping against my teeth, teeth scraping against tongue, tongue against the roof of my mouth. and your body rocked, the jeans causing sensations like sparks. I was yours. you were gasoline, and fueled my intentions. I wanted to have my way with you right there, right at the moment, right at that place. the constraints of desire were ready to explode. and you sucked at my finger, applying pressure, brutal pressure, brutal pleasure, you toyed me, destroyed me, rebuilt me.

and the heat that had to be drenched felt like it could no longer be contained. desire was built on top of desire, body built on top of body, ready to burst, so close from jumping out of our throats and discarding clothes and hopes and fears. and then, out of the sudden, you stopped it all, you killed the engines. I could not understand why, nor could I hear with all my blood and loud music pumping in my ears. but I dreamt that you buried yourself against the crook of my neck, nuzzling, sweet and tender, then leaned your forehead against my clavicles, making a home out of there, almost childishly. then I dreamt that you stopped the frottage to embrace me in your arms. you crossed your hands against my neck, and kept me, enraptured me in between those legs, those mile long legs, tight, like a vice, holding, pressing so tight like never letting go.

and I dreamt that you never let it go.


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