nighthawks

(before starting, please visit
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Nighthawks.jpg)

i had never before felt so alone, yet so at home like I felt in new york city in nineteen forty-nine.

as I sat in phillie’s diner I thought about loneliness. I was alone in the middle of these people, i was lonely. life seems really really long when you’re lonely. i think about my condition…. how I can see her everyday, talk to her everyday and yet still fell like the most lonely and miserable person in te whole fucking world. yet, I felt resigned, like my whole life had been this way and there was no other future and, thinking like this, it didn’t feel so bad.

so, i light up a cigarrette while drink the rest of my coffee. I ask for a refil. the bored waiter serves me another cup. I pay the man the two cents he deserves. i look at the couple sitting next to me… they stare at nowhere, sipping at their coffees too. i wonder what such a beautifull couple is doing in this hell-hole joint at 2 am. i am sure they are not here for the tastless, greasy coffee. maybe I should ask them, make conversation will make me feel better. maybe. I better not.

i keep staring, they don’t mind. actually, i think they don’t see me. they are way too absorbed in their own thoughts. I see the fine irony that hangs in the air of this diner: the couple is there for one another yet, they are more alone than me. maybe they broke up, maybe they are about to break up.

i no longer care. i already got the epiphany of the night – i finally believe what people say: there is no greater way to miss someone than to be standing right next to them knowing they are no longer yours.

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